Theme – negative impact of trauma / enduring impact of trauma (destruction – mental turmoil / torment / a sense of dejectedness-the loss of trust)

“The muscly, tanned guy who’d built me a two-story treehouse when I was a kid had been replaced by a pale shell of a man who didn’t build anything.”

• This quote reflects the devastating physical and emotional change caused by trauma. The once vibrant, capable man has been reduced to a “pale shell,” symbolizing the erosion of his vitality, purpose, and identity. Trauma has stripped him of the ability to create or connect, emphasizing the destruction that deep emotional pain can cause to one’s sense of self.

“She’d looked nothing like my round, bubbly Anty who made every space brighter just by being in it.”

• Here, the contrast between the past and present self-highlights the destructive nature of trauma. The once joyful and vibrant “round, bubbly” figure has been transformed, suggesting how trauma can diminish or erase a person’s essence. It underscores the enduring impact of trauma on one’s personality and the emotional void left behind.

“I think kids who’ve been in trouble don’t like speaking to people in authority about anything.”

• This quote reflects a loss of trust and the lasting effects of trauma, especially when children are repeatedly let down by figures of authority. The generalization implies that repeated failure and betrayal by those meant to protect or guide can foster a deep-seated distrust, making it difficult for these individuals to open up or seek help.

“I wasn’t supposed to be dead before. I even made it to my sixteenth birthday. In fact, when I let myself think too much about the unfairness of it all, I still got mad now.”

• This line expresses the anger and confusion that often accompany traumatic experiences. The speaker’s anger stems from the unfairness of their situation, indicating that trauma can leave a person stuck in a cycle of resentment and helplessness, even years later. This suggests the enduring emotional turmoil of unresolved trauma.

“Oh, it was a long time ago. Twenty years… seven months… six days. Not that I’m counting!”

• The speaker’s attempt to minimize the impact of time (“not that I’m counting”) juxtaposes the ongoing mental and emotional burden they still carry. Trauma can make it difficult for individuals to truly move on from the past, even if they try to downplay or repress their feelings. This line subtly highlights the ongoing nature of emotional pain and the disconnection from healing.

“She’ll do her best to reassure them, but…’ He sighed. ‘Those kids have probably been failed so many times they won’t believe anyone in authority will treat them fairly.”

• This quote speaks to the long-term effects of repeated betrayal and disappointment. The trauma of being failed by authority figures creates a deep skepticism and a lack of faith in anyone who might try to help. It illustrates how the loss of trust is a major consequence of enduring trauma, particularly for vulnerable individuals.

“But I can’t claw the horrible from myself. I can’t make the color come back.”

• This line conveys the struggle to escape the emotional scars of trauma. The inability to “claw the horrible” suggests that the trauma is inescapable, and the imagery of “color” reflects the loss of vitality and joy. It underscores how trauma can strip individuals of their ability to experience life fully, leaving them in a state of emotional numbness.

‘I’m fine!’ ‘You’re so not. You don’t want to move on to what’s next?’

• This exchange reveals the disconnection between how the person presents themselves and their true emotional state. The speaker’s attempt to hide or deny their pain (“I’m fine!”) is immediately challenged by someone who can see through the façade. This highlights how trauma often leads to inner turmoil that is not easily visible to others, and the difficulty of moving forward when the past remains unresolved.

“He went to the car and opened the passenger-side door. It was a thing he did sometimes, opening doors for me as if I couldn’t phase right through them.”

• This gesture of opening the door symbolizes both care and an unconscious attempt to maintain a semblance of normalcy. The speaker’s ability to “phase right through” the door suggests a sense of emotional distance or alienation, as though they are disconnected from the world around them. It highlights how trauma can create a barrier between the individual and their relationships.

“The man who’d taught me card tricks, and who hadn’t spoken a single word for a full three days after I’d died.”

• The silence that follows the speaker’s death reflects the deep emotional trauma that incapacitates those left behind. The absence of speech for three days underscores the profound impact of loss and how trauma can paralyze a person, making it difficult for them to process or communicate their grief.

“In fact, all of her seemed to be expanding. She was still reeling from this, and would be for a while, but she’d be okay for as long as she had something to do.”

• This quote illustrates the way trauma continues to affect individuals over time. The person is “reeling” and their emotional state is “expanding,” meaning the trauma has taken root in their life and continues to influence their actions and thoughts. However, the temporary relief from being occupied with tasks highlights how distractions can provide some respite, even if the underlying pain remains.

“He didn’t want to be anything like his father either.”

• This reflects how trauma can be passed down through generations. The individual’s desire to avoid becoming like their father suggests that the trauma inflicted by one generation has a lasting impact on the next. It reflects the internal struggle to break free from destructive patterns shaped by traumatic experiences.

“I’d jabbed at an open wound. I could see in his face how raw and bleeding this pain was for him.”

• The metaphor of “jabbed at an open wound” vividly captures how trauma can be triggered unexpectedly, reopening old emotional wounds. The image of “raw and bleeding pain” conveys the intensity of the hurt that still exists beneath the surface. It highlights how trauma can make individuals vulnerable and sensitive, with old pains easily reignited by reminders of the past.

Theme – grief (caused by death / trauma)